There have been many things I have done and not done while trying to “fit in.” In this episode, I reflect on the impact of inclusion on my life.
There have been many things I have done and not done while trying to “fit in.” In this episode, I reflect on the impact of inclusion on my life.
Diversity, equity and inclusion. So the metaphor that comes to mind is a dinner party. If I were to throw a dinner party, I could introduce diversity by who all I invite to the party. Inclusion by who all I allow to sit at the table and participate in the quote unquote adult conversation. And inclusion in who is allowed to share at the table and bring their ideas and thoughts forward. So that's a little teaser on today's topic. Hope you enjoy.
Speaker 1:Hi, this is Amjad, a simple, beautifully broken man living in a complex world. Join me as I navigate the dark and bright spots of life, sharing vulnerably and reflecting deeply along the way. May you find some benefit here. That is through me, not from me. I must warn you to enter at your own risk, for in this room my humanity is showing. Welcome my fellow humans to episode 43 of my Humanity is Showing, and today I finally figured out how I think I knew how I just was being lazy. I don't know what the right answer is, but anyway I added in honor of my last episode, I added in the word beautifully right before broken in my intro, so you may notice a little something there that wasn't there before. Oh, wow, it sounds like Beauty and the Beast is something there that wasn't there before. Yeah, so in today's episode I thought I was just reflecting. There's so many different topics to share about but we had a really nice diversity, equity and inclusion presentation at work today and really stimulated a lot of reflection for me around inclusion and what does that mean, and authenticity, and the presenter was just really really good and was sharing many different aspects and I started, like I said, reflecting on that and for me as a minority growing up in the US, it's been an interesting journey. I shared during the meeting that there are a lot of things that I have done or not done to try to fit in and because I believe and now this is in hindsight, looking back on it that I believe that there is a biological, hardwired need for me as a human being to fit in, to fit in with the herd and to be a part of and I've shared a lot about this in the podcast. This may sound a little repetitive. I was thinking about maybe pulling on a slightly different thread today. We'll see where this goes. As always, I don't script, so we'll find out together what, where this ends up, but I share that. Oh, I said enough about that inclusion, authenticity and all the things that I've done or not done to try to fit in. Like I was just thinking about this a little while ago, I'm gonna be traveling overseas and I this is kind of interesting. So I, over the last couple of weeks, have started growing my beard out just a tad. So I we're.
Speaker 1:Usually I have a beard. I've had it since I graduated high school. I actually had it in high school too, because I really was not interested in shaving, always wanted a beard. I just don't like the way my face looks without it, and apparently my wife doesn't either. But they forced me to shave during high school and as soon as I graduated high school I stopped shaving. So I've really only shaved a few times in my life.
Speaker 1:I did go through a goatee phase. I'm not sure what that was all about, but you know I try to we try to forget that we don't talk about that. It's kind of the goatee and Bruno go together. You know it's like we don't talk about goatee Anyway. So I did go to that phase. But in general I've always had a beard. I typically wear it very short, so it's you know, it's kind of interesting because I recently watched the WAM documentary and I was going to say, like I used to my younger days, wear it like very. I used to keep my beard very short. I say wear it like as if it's a piece of clothing. I used to keep my beard George Michael length, like really short, so you know, like almost like a 10 o'clock shadow kind of short, or a one day, two day shadow, and then as I got older I got lazy and so it grew up just a little bit more than that.
Speaker 1:In college, you know, during my university days, I went through this phase where I wanted to prove that not everybody with a long beard is dangerous, and so I grew my beard out to maybe I had it at like four or five inches At one point. I've got some pictures of that somewhere floating around, even on my phone, and you know it's interesting because I remember like going, you know, traveling, and going through security at places and feeling like you know that I'm getting extra scrutinized. Especially, I remember one trip I had been traveling overseas and I was really tired and so I wasn't my usual talkative self and they Really really really screamed me. I mean went through every open up my luggage, went through every article of clothing and, you know, padded me down numerous times. I mean, it was like a real thorough Review of me. And so after that I realized that, regardless of how tired I am and I guess this is an example of like that inclusion thing because of just my genetic makeup, you know, I'm genetically Arabic and so you know, and culturally Indian or American or American, or ethnically like, genetically Arabic, ethnically Indian, asian, indian and Culturally American. It's a kind of a weird mix, although I do have some, you know, indian culture in me too, indian, pakistani culture. But you know where was I going with that gosh? I love my dream. Oh. So yeah, getting screwed, nice. So what I realized?
Speaker 1:When I travel I I tend to Turn on my outgoing personality that I typically have. I'm very much an extrovert, so in public I'm usually loud and obnoxious and seeking attention. I think I've shared about that before, and so when I travel I crank that knob up all the way, because if I don't, there's a pretty good chance that I'll get and and I've seen this like if the knob is not, it's turned down. I'm kind of quiet, I'm not really saying anything, I'm not Smiling, talking, making it, you know, asking people how they're doing, making a joke, whatever. Then there's a chance that I may get a little bit extra screening, or maybe a lot extra screening, depending on what the current state is.
Speaker 1:But I remember that one year that I grew my beard out and I was tired and and, and I let my guard down because I had just arrived in Saudi Arabia and I thought, okay, I'm here, I look like these people, I'm, you know, I should fit in really easily, I can let the guard down and just be myself or be, you know, be tired, it's okay and not be talkative and not be outgoing. And that was the point At airport in Saudi Arabia where I got really, really, really grilled. So you know that I say you know I go there because, like right now, I'm growing my beard out just a tad. You know it's a little bit longer than I usually, that short, short length that I usually keep it, and it's itching and I'm not enjoying it and it's still we're not totally out of summer, so that you know I'm feeling a little hot and I'm thinking, yeah, this is a bad idea. I think I'm just gonna pull out my trimmer and get it back down to like the really really short, close Cut that I normally have, and. But then the other thought also that's been plaguing me, and that's the reason I haven't done, is because I'm like, wait, is it really because you're hot? Is it really because it's itchy, or is it because you Don't like the way it's starting to look? And you're afraid people are going to judge you and I don't know what the answer to that is. I Honestly, truly do not know how much of you know this whole beard thing is. I look in the mirror and and you know we're. I'm going on a religious trip and part of the process is for me to come back with shaved head and that's the you know, the traditional men shaving their head thing. And you know I have some anxiety about that because I come back to work and then, within a couple of weeks of coming back, we have a big conference where a lot of high-ranking people will be there, and you know it's a chance to make an impression and fit in, and and there's part of me that's like, oh my goodness, you know I may have my hairmate Be a half an inch at that point, if I'm lucky by the time I get back. And you know the time lapses and Maybe, maybe it might be a quarter of an inch. This happened to me. It actually happened to me when I got married, because the year we got married we were scheduled to get married in December.
Speaker 1:I used to have a ritual when I was in college of shaving my head every at the beginning of every summer, one to stay cool, to to save money on haircuts Even though I used to do my own haircut which is really interesting, like trying to cut your own hair and I still my friends haircuts too, so slight, tangent, you know, and once a month, on a weekend, on a Sunday or something, with all the friends would come over and There'd be guys in the kitchen cooking and other guys watching TV and playing and all kinds of stuff, and there'd be a line. Basically there was a line of Everybody getting their haircut, free haircut, and I enjoyed it because it was a form of art and I only had one, my poor roommate. I had one negative outcome and it was because I tried on a new guard that I just really didn't understand how it worked and Ended up having to cut his hair much shorter than usual. He did let me cut it again later, but he would always sit there with a mirror and watching my every movement and he would check every guard that I put on my trimmer or however I did it. But you know, in for a couple years there I was like the, the local haircut guy for all my buddies.
Speaker 1:But I would shave my head to save money on haircuts, to to stay cool. And three, because I believed, which I now I'm like. I look at my head and I don't think it really worked. But I had the time believed that if I shaved my head at least once a year I might decrease the probability that I would go bald. And I'm still. I'm losing so much hair now it's like ridiculous. So when I say like shave my head bought, I mean it's. I don't even know if people will notice it's. You know I've had pretty, pretty bald hair head now in the sense that. But it's usually noticeable if I'm sitting down or if you're taller than me or in photos, but that it's really noticeable, but if You're facing me or looking up toward me you may not notice as much.
Speaker 1:So I shaved my head at the beginning of the summer, thinking it has plenty of time to grow back out by December by the time I get married, and Did that and within a month and month month and a half of that, the whole you know my whole the wedding plans all got rearranged and we ended up getting married in the summer and so I had barely reached a point with a lot of hairspray. I think at the time I was into hairspray more than gel. I Could. On the mind of a job I don't remember a moose I was barely able to get a part. I'm just barely able to part my hair a little bit and I'm OCD. So the part is like, really important because that straight line represents some form of perfection For me and if the part is not clear, it really bothers me. If I've got hairs like that are whisping out, that really Challenges me. I don't do well with that.
Speaker 1:So I'm nervous about coming back from this trip with my hair a quarter of an inch, or less than a quarter of an inch maybe, not being able to be parted and meeting with these high ranking people in my organization. So there's some anxiety there. And so the question is like, because I thought about there is an option to not shave the head and just cut a little bit of the hair off and call that and you know you've met the obligation, but to me I have always felt and I don't know if this is true or not that part of the shaving the head is to represent that you went on this religious journey and you did this kind of religious ritual and you were participated in that and as a result, you come back and there's this visible symbol of having participated. Now, I haven't fact checked that, but that's my internal interpretation of that has always been that that's part of it, that you come back and people look at you and go oh, you must have gone to do that religious journey. And so I feel like the real intent of it, if I'm planning to do it, might as well go the whole way. And I talked to my wife about it and she shared similar thoughts and said it's up to you. I was hoping she'd give me an out and say do or don't, and I wouldn't have to make the decision. But she didn't. She said it's up to you, whatever you think, and feel comfortable doing so in this discussion about inclusion and authenticity.
Speaker 1:Going back to that, it's this idea of like in my life, in public, in stores, the clothes that I wear, the way that I speak, the way that I stand, the car that I drive, the food that I eat, the way I behave at work it all been among friends, has all been not all, all's probably a really strong word got good portion of it I don't know what that portion is has been to help me fit in, and that's why I say I believe that there's a biological need that is hardwired inside of me to fit in, and what authenticity means for me is the ability for me to just show up and not worry about fitting in, not worry about do I fit in or I don't fit in, and just be and know that I will be accepted. Know that my quirky joke or my funky outfit or my beard being a little bit scragglier, scragglier, more scraggly I don't know what the right term is there than usual, is okay. You know that. That's oh. You know that no one will judge me for that, no one will exclude me for that. But you know, if I come back with less hair, or if I'm wearing a tie or not wearing a tie, or, you know, wearing a color that's like an awkward color that maybe is not common, or an outfit that was comfortable to me but maybe doesn't look amazing and I don't look like a GQ model, but instead I just but I'm comfortable and I'm prioritizing comfort over looks. And you know, that to me is authenticity.
Speaker 1:And then the inclusion part of it is that I will one be included even though I may bring my authentic self. That I will be invited to the table, that I will be included in the conversation and included in the whatever gathering. That if some you know, if some folks are like hey, you wanna go grab something to bite to eat after work, that I will also be invited. Or if there's a discussion like we're trying to figure out X, that I will also be included in that, regardless of who I am or what I look like or how I'm dressed or behave. And then the other piece of that is this idea that you know I will have my voice. Not only will I be invited to the table, but I will have a voice at the table and I will be able to share, and what I share will be heard, it will be listened to, and that it will be considered. I'm not expecting that things that I say will be accepted, gosh, I hope not, cause some of my thoughts and ideas may be not helpful to the larger group, which is perfectly fine, but the expectation and the hope is that they will at least be considered, that those thoughts and ideas will be considered. And so this is, you know, and it's, I guess it's a weird time in the world today, cause, you know, I see a lot of people challenging those norms by what feels like going out of their way to represent something different, to represent a something contrarian, whether it's the way they, you know people, some people dress or behave, or their ideals, or political ideas, their philosophical ideals, that there's, there's this push against the core and there's something which I just has to happen by now for this. So now, it just might happen by now with the hour, you know, and there's some controversial pieces that have happened with that as well, but that In and so some of that for me has been unsettling, like some of the controversial pieces.
Speaker 1:Like I remember, during one of the elections I Took a really really really long break from Facebook. Well, it was only meant to be during the elections and then I was going to come back to social media afterwards and I don't know, I enjoyed it so much. I just really didn't go back, and Recently I've been poking my head in just to with the idea of promoting. I had what had the birthday, which that's like the only time I really do go on on Facebook or I Don't really do it. I don't do any of the other social media except LinkedIn from a professional perspective, and Facebook periodically on my birthday and now, as I'm, you know, using it as a venue to help share some of the podcast stuff, a way to drop drop some of that information in there. But you know, I did that big, long break. But the reason what really triggered that was I felt like I needed a break from some of the the unsettling things that I was seeing around, in particular circling around the, the elections and some other things that I just that felt very Controversial and disturbing to me.
Speaker 1:And I'm a moderate guy, I mean, I just like things being simple and Everyone being happy and everyone having a voice, and that's just that's the way I am, like I'm. I don't, I don't feel comfortable with polarizations or, you know, discord or conflict, especially for the sake of conflict. But if it's not a respectful, healthy conflict to discuss ideas and share differences of opinion in a respectful way while honoring the other person's opinion, then I'm usually not comfortable and not interested, and but. So I say you know, we live in a time where there's that some of this controversy. It feels like it's getting. The world is getting more and more polarized on so many different topics, like just in the US. The bipartisan system feels like it's so much more Divided than it's ever been. And that's just my opinion and my perception. I may be totally wrong. I'm not a.
Speaker 1:I am by no means a political expert. As a matter of fact, after 9-11 I stopped watching the news. I don't really follow a lot of that stuff, but it's all. It's one of things that it, when I say like I left Facebook because of some of the political stuff is it was part of it was that Frustration around how polarized the bipartisan system felt like it was becoming to me, and so I just needed a break from that. I just could believe I was younger. I don't. I didn't remember that, not that I really paid attention, but I didn't remember it being so polar, and it feels like that's happened on so, so, so many fronts. But here's the but, the but. That was just. That's such a weird sentence every time I say it.
Speaker 1:But on the flip side, I feel like it's a really good time because there's an introduction of different things that opened the door for acceptance. And I was in a talk recently and someone was there was this question of you know, like if you're in a public restroom and you know there's washing for prayer and part of that may involve putting your foot in the sink. And People don't always feel comfortable putting the foot in the sink because you know it's embarrassing Everybody's looking like, oh my gosh, that guy's in a public restroom and he's got his foot in the sink. And there were some young scholars sharing about in there. They said that there's stuff that people do all day long that is Shocking, surprising, different. So it's okay for us to put our foot in the sink if that's what we want to do now. With me, I have trouble reaching and actually lifting my foot and putting in the sink, so that's a whole other story. I just don't have that level of flexibility a lot of times.
Speaker 1:But it's an interesting time. It's definitely interesting time. It's a time of of challenge against the status quo and Again, these are all just my own perceptions, feelings. But then at the same time, because of that, it feels like there's more and more doors opening for inclusion. It's. This is gonna be a weird metaphor and maybe I'll end with this metaphor, but that's just what popped in my head just now. Hopefully it's through me, but I Imagine the world as maybe like a warehouse, and there's this large warehouse and folks are, you know, maybe the, the acceptance piece I'm talking about is being invited into the warehouse, the inclusion pieces being invited into the warehouse and being part of the, the majority or the.
Speaker 1:You know there's some people that don't want to get invited into the warehouse and so they purposely do things to stay outside of the warehouse. And I feel like on one end of the warehouse, more and more and more doors are being added To get in. There's there's, you know, more and more acceptance, and you know of differences, of individuality, of differing opinions, far more than ever was. And then on the other side, there's there's doors being removed from the warehouse, where you know there's that. This is where I talk about the polarization that there's. You know, individuals who really feel strongly that less and less people should be invited in, and you know, perhaps there should be, you know, walls set up so that we keep more and more people out of the warehouse. So it's an interesting idea.
Speaker 1:I don't know. I Don't know what any of this means. I just know that after the Discussion today that I described at work, in the very beginning I felt really excited and At the end of it I shared some of that excitement and then realized that some of you know, some people in positions of authority were on the call that I didn't realize were on the call. So my first instinct was like, oh my gosh, I I don't even know what I said like I hope I didn't say anything embarrassing or, and I've had a few few people tell me that they just really felt like it was an authentic share of my experience after listening to this talk and that I should be Comfortable with that and I should be good with that, because I was being my authentic self in that moment and I wasn't playing a particular part and trying to fulfill that persona that I hope you would see in me. So I will, I'll stop there. I think that's enough on that topic for this week. We'll see if it comes up in the future.
Speaker 1:But with that I will transition to the random message of the day and I'm reaching into my little bucket and I'm mixing up the Fortune cookie fortune thingies Stick. They're really fortunate. Now I have the hiccups, so we'll see if I can read through this. Haha, this is interesting, so it's a short one and it says hope is the best stimulant of life, and that brings to mind a couple of things for me. One I have a very good friend named hope, and so I think of her, hope she's doing well and and you know it goes back to that, tying it back to the episode, since that's top of top of mind right now for me is this idea that you know, I I hope that the world will become increasingly more inclusive as time goes on and that With with each and every passing day, more people will be able to be their authentic selves and not stress about what others think.
Speaker 1:But I like this where it says the best stimulant of life, because when I see the word stimulant, I immediately think about chemical stimulants that you know there's drugs, there's, you know, different things. There's also things like exercise that stimulate or but what you know, what the saying, and it may or may not be true, I don't. I don't think it's that Definitive that you can say, oh well, there is a best stimulant. But I like the idea that hope is stimulating, that hope gives energy and brings me to life, because without it I might wither and turn gray and Fade, but with hope it's like, there's this feeling for me of Well, I hope for something, so therefore I work toward it and it increases the probability I may get there. Well, thanks for listening. Hope you enjoyed today's episode or got some actually more important than enjoying. Perhaps you got something of benefit out of it. And If you did hope to see you back, there's the hope Hope to see you back. Take care and be well.